First Heartbreak

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This is my longest post ever, but detailing my summer driving for the the exotic dancers made me think back on that time, and the first woman I thought I loved.

I was in my second weekend of work and i’d driven Kim twice, after work (which usually was about 4:00am) she mentioned catching a taxi and I offered her a ride home. We stopped to grab some food and we ended up talking for a while (Nothing is as romantic as White Castle’s as the sun comes up). I dropped her at home and the next time I worked she’d waited for me so I gave her a ride home again. The third time she asked me if I wanted to come into her apartment and I went in, watched as she smoked a joint (at the time I was an athlete who said no to drugs) and she told me to wait in her room while she took a shower.

Kim lived in a small garden level apartment with her sister, there was no phone and there were no interior doors, only thin curtains where the doors should be. Her room contained a Queen sized mattress on the floor which took up 90% of the space and a small closet. By the time she came back in from her shower, i’d fallen asleep and I slept until about 10am. I woke up panicked because I knew I couldn’t tell my parents I’d spent the night at a womans place, but she just laughed and rolled over on top of me and soon I could give a shit about what my parents thought. We spent that entire Friday in bed, every time I made an effort to leave, she would ask me to stay just a bit longer, a few times we had sex, other times we just slept. By about 5pm We went out to grab some food and I was able to call my parents. I told them I’d had an early practice that day and was staying with a friend for the weekend (there were advantages to the pre-cell phone era). We spent the entire weekend like that, we went to work Friday and Saturday night and slept and screwed all day. By the time I made it home Sunday I was in love.

Because the league I played in had games Monday-Thursday, I didn’t see her at all until next Thursday. But after work that night we fell into the same pattern. I needed a way to be able to stay out all night and since my oldest sister was married I told her i’d met a girl and she agreed to be my alibi. I told my parents I was staying with sis, because she was closer to where my games were. Sis warned me to be careful but otherwise covered for me.

Those Thursday-Sundays with Kim consisted of sex, food and sleep, but I got an education. Prior to this i’d had a fair amount of sex, but it was your typical teenage boy variety, which consisted of search and destroy, with the subtlety of a brick. With Kim, sex was all about her, she was quick to tell me to slow down, tell me to stop something or have me switch positions. When I went down on her she gave specific directions which she’d emphasize by guiding my head. Looking back, if I had not been so young and horny I might have lost some confidence with my inadequacy, instead I just worked harder to make her happy. Once she wanted sex during menstruation and when I hesitated the first time, she gave me a look as if I was crazy, and then we proceeded to have sex. Because there were no doors, it wasn’t unusual for her sister to come into the room as if I wasn’t there. Sometimes they would have whole conversations or smoke a blunt or two with me lying there naked. Her sister called me her little college boy, but my lust far outweighed my embarrassment.

This went on for 5 weeks until one night after work, as I waited in my car she told me she’d take a cab. The same thing happened the next 2 nights and that was that. When I asked what happened she shrugged her shoulders and said she didn’t know. I was crushed but there was no one for me to talk to. I had not told anyone about this other than my sister and I’d not told her the whole story. Ultimately I tried to suck up my hurt feelings and move on.

Given the fact that we literally never went anywhere or did anything together it was amazing how long I pined for her. I had not seen most of my friends all summer because I didn’t have time for them on the weekends, and the idea of girls my age was unthinkable after my love for this 27 year old woman. 2 weeks later I got a chance to attend the school I eventually graduated from, so I left Chicago. Since that summer I’ve been in school non-stop until now and i’ve not been back home for longer than 2 weeks.

Considering she didn’t take any of my money (I would have bought her anything she asked for), abuse me in any way or embarrass me, I look back on it now and appreciate what I learned about pleasing women. Of course it wasn’t love, but I know i’d still get butterflies if I saw her again.

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