Because post-doc works her camp from 9am-5:30, I took some of her discarded belongings to a mission and put the rest of her things in DSM’s garage. I then went in to the office for a few hours. After writing and then hooping, I got home around 7pm. Post-doc had been home and had actually cooked. It was vegatarian lasagna but it was actually good (I usually don’t consider it a meal without meat). After some idle chatter we got into a continuation of the discussion in the previous post. I will sum it up thusly:
Me: I truly believed since we were just in a sexual relationship. You had a limited time here and I thought we would have fun for a short time and that would be it. but you demonstrated you wanted more so at that point I cut it off.
Her: Granted we were just in a purely physical relationship, but obviously at some point you decided you wanted a real relationship. If that was the case why wasn’t I considered as an option?
Me: I didn’t decide I wanted a relationship, I met another person, and we happened to click. It was one of those things.
Her: So as you found yourself moving towards a relationship did you think about a relationship with me?
Please note that it took us about 40 minutes to get to this point, and I felt I was now faced with 2 options, try and dance around and spare her feelings as much as possible or tell her the truth that no, I never considered her because when I now stop to consider her vs. wifey she does not come close in any concievable category…. Of course I default to the human equivalant of rolling onto my back and exposing my vulnerable neck and belly
Me: It’s not a you vs. another person thing it just happened the way it happened. I didn’t consider your feelings like I should have and I apologize for that.
This seemed to chill her out instantly, in fact she became almost serene. Thinking about it as I went to sleep, I couldn’t figure out why i’d apologized, had I meant it? I guess I had been a bit inconsiderate. I hope we’re as good as we can get now, either that or I wake up with her standing over me like Annie in Misery.
Note: I did not go to wifeys to sleep, I was too tired and I no longer have any desire to engage in relations with that woman. Attracted as I am to violent alpha females, her display of neediness poured cold water over any lust I had.
14 Comments
June 5, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Well, you were in a bind. More truth =more arguments. A tiny lie or misleading (ahem) = less talking about the whole matter.
June 5, 2008 at 11:06 pm
One advantage of being married is you get really good at apologizing whether you mean it or not. Which I guess you already proved you know how to do . . . the difference being I don’t even think about it later! My point: don’t sweat it.
June 5, 2008 at 11:10 pm
(Sigh)
You had just as well hit it–you are going to get caught, anyway.
Plus if you are going through that Chinese water torture of “analyzing the relationship,” you had just as well get the accompanying SEX…
I mean, even the emasculated male wussbags on “Sex and the City” get to have SOME sex–before their relationship is publicly and loudly dissected over a $250 brunch that would make anyone with a Y-chromosome beg to be a guest on “The View.”
I probably know less about women than any ten dorks on the planet–but wifey will sense the female presence.
They leave an “aura,” as it were, that only other females can pick up.
Like when all the females at work know you just got laid.
Yeah–like that.
June 6, 2008 at 12:15 am
It is possible you were a bit inconsiderate…
but if it was open and all sex from the first… she should have had her guard up.
Anyway..
you are a great commenter–you should def. DL some of the songs (no snarky comments if they aren’t your style).
And pass some sexy songs my way! (total music whore)
June 6, 2008 at 2:04 am
It’s good to be nice, when you have to have her around in your place for a while. Maybe it’s all over and you won’t have to ever deal with it again.
June 6, 2008 at 1:39 pm
it’s way better to apologize when you don’t mean it than tell the truth and spend the rest of your life explaining yourself.
also, did you know that they play misery on the lifetime channel? doesn’t seem right to me.
June 6, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Aneris,
Exactly
Riff,
I will take your sage advice
Zen,
I think i’m going to stop the analysis and hopefully the rest will take care of itself
Sorry, Beautiful
I worked out to some of the songs this morning, i’m generally tough on remakes but some of them I could feel
Comfy,
That is my hope
JerseySjov,
I think Lifetime is trying subliminally influence all of it’s viewers bu encouraging violence against men, just a thought.
June 6, 2008 at 3:15 pm
OK, one night down and X more to go. Stay strong, my brother.
And riff is right (great dog minds think alike): the first thing I do every morning before getting out off bed is to roll over and say ‘Sorry’ to the wife, with a quick kiss. Gets the day off to a good start…
June 6, 2008 at 4:09 pm
I hate when people try to use logic to convince you to have a relationship with them. Postdoc, it doesn’t work that way; it’s not a job application, and you can’t just explain to someone you’re the best woman for the job. Just accept that he fell for someone else and stop trying to force it.
June 6, 2008 at 5:11 pm
This reveals an unfortunate truth that I’ve discovered in the course of my short life: when one is not considered for a relationship, it simply means that the other person didn’t like said person enough to enter into a serious relationship:
example
“I don’t want a relationship” = “I’m not that into you” aka “If I really did like you a lot, I would want a relationship with you, regardless of anything else.”
While apologizing was a good tactic for getting out of an even longer even more awkward conversation, I feel like she’s being shortchanged for not knowing that you weren’t that into her, but maybe in this case, it might be better if she didn’t know.
June 6, 2008 at 10:59 pm
I agree with Sabina. You shouldn’t have to apologize for not liking her. If she wanted you more than just a fuck-buddy she should have been open and honest about it. And you would have been honest with her and said “no, I am not into you that way. Sorry.” Then she could either stop fucking you, or keep fucking you and realize it will never happen. I just don’t like when women think they can change a man’s feelings about them through sex. It doesn’t work that way.
June 7, 2008 at 7:56 am
[...] 7, 2008 at 7:55 am (anodyne, interior) Tags: facade, grief, joy, lies, persona, truth To answer Mnwhr, in a roundabout [...]
June 9, 2008 at 5:05 pm
It’s easy to sit here and judge.
People lie all the time to spare other’s feelings…I was recently reading a book on the fear of intimacy, and how often we lie in relationships, especially once sex thrusts into the picture.
Does it really matter that she knows? In the large, grand scheme of things? Probably not.
We often don’t listen when someone tells us, “No, this relationship will only be this-this-and-this…” Because we want to hear what we want to hear. Then, we are hurt.
I have always done the crushing, the mashing, with only one exception–and that exception devastated me.
Love is horrible, and love is wonderful–but you can escape either fate.
June 9, 2008 at 5:05 pm
*can’t* escape either fate…
Eeeek.
And I was trying to be soo literary.